Vol 6, Issue 11  July 15-28, 2003

 

SUCCESSFUL? SOMETHING MISSING?

 

Climbing the ladder of success shouldn't limit finding love

 

By Joseph S. Amster

 

 

You've worked hard: college, graduate school, building your career-but something's missing. You have a beautiful home, a great car, lots of friends, a dog, a cat, and a loving family. Still, there's a void that only someone to share your life with can fill. Perhaps you've been so busy working, you've neglected your love life. This dilemma, while not universal, can be common for successful gay men. You may want to find someone who's your equal financially and career-wise, or you may seek a mate who is totally the opposite, someone nurturing and fun to come home to. Working with a service like the Gay Millionaires Club can assist successful gay men in finding the mate of their dreams. It's been said that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince; GMC owner Jill Hankoff says she can help you cut down on the number of frogs.

 

"This is a niche nobody has filled," says Hankoff. "Gay men don't have the same dating channels open that heterosexuals do." The millionaires seeking a mate pay the service a fee and can then choose from a pool of applicants, for whom the service is free.

 

For the men that list with GMC, the process is fairly simple. After filling out an online questionnaire and submitting a photo, they are then matched up with potential mates who have listed on the GMC Web site. Hankoff gets a lot of applicants and has to wade through the hundreds wanting to be matched up to a millionaire. How does she decide who makes the cut? "It's part intuition and part what they say in the interview," she says. "A lot of that comes across on the application. There's a box where you can write 50 words. For us, the words they choose is a good clue. We look for red flags like 'my rent is due in two weeks and I need to meet a millionaire right now.' But we also get ones that say 'I'm very goal-oriented, 30 years old, I've achieved a lot in a short time, was raised in a wealthy family but have fallen apart from them due to my lifestyle choices. I'm into fitness, and take good care of myself. I can't seem to find anyone who doesn't want to live off me or use me because I'm cute. I work hard for what I have and I want someone with a little class to share it with.' What we look for are guys who are articulate, interesting, smart, and have something to say. Our clients aren't looking for someone who just wants to have a credit card, go shopping, and be there looking pretty for dinner. They're not looking for gold diggers."

 

Hankoff finds being a yenta rewarding. "I love my job, I make a living helping people find happiness. My clients are brilliant. I am their biggest fan. They got where they got because they have a brain," she says. "For them, just having an arm piece isn't what they want. They want to be loved for who they are."

 

With the pressure society places on achieving success, having a love life often comes second. Ryan is a real estate broker who became a client of the Gay Millionaire's Club a year ago. "I went on three or four dates. My third date I took out again, and we've been together for six months," he says. Ryan is comfortable with a wide variety of people because of his work, so his search included upper-income candidates as well as more down-to-earth types. "That was very important to me when I talked to her. I can be acclimated to any social environment. I also wanted someone around my age, because I didn't want to go through all the drama of dating someone younger. She sorted all that out for me. Everyone I dated through the service were really nice guys," he says.

 

Like some successful men, Ryan didn't stress his social life as he was climbing the ladder of success. "I mainly dated through friends or people I'd meet, but there was often too much drama. With the pace of my life, I just couldn't handle it," he remembers. "Most of my dating was sporadic. I was so busy, I didn't have the time develop relationships and explain what I was looking for. Jill took all that energy I'd have to invest in a search and scrunched it down to a small amount of time for me."

 

Although some might think that only gold diggers are looking for the millionaires, Ryan has found the opposite. "I talked to her about that. I don't want someone who just wants me for my money. Jill tries to weed through that."

 

Overall, Ryan is very happy with his match. "It's nice having something to think about other than paperwork, computers, and business meetings," he says. "If someone is comfortable with using this kind of service, go for it. It beats what I was doing before-which is nothing."

 

Reprinted from the courtesy of the Editors of In Magazine Los Angeles 2003 In Magazine Los Angeles.