Modifying Your Approach to Tough Conversations
What鈥檚 the No. 1 strategy for difficult conversations? Avoid the need for them in the first place. That was the opening advice of author and keynote speaker David Dye during his session, 鈥淟eading the Art of the Tough Conversation鈥� at the 乐竞体育赛事直播 Tri-State Conference and Expo last month in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
What鈥檚 the No. 1 strategy for difficult conversations? Avoid the need for them in the first place. That was the opening advice of author and keynote speaker David Dye during his session, 鈥淟eading the Art of the Tough Conversation鈥� at the 乐竞体育赛事直播 Tri-State Conference and Expo last month in Atlantic City, New Jersey. With an attentive, early-morning audience of real estate managers eager for tips on how to navigate confrontation, Dye explained that confrontation can be avoided in the first place鈥攊f we take the time and care to build a certain type of organizational culture.
Dye suggested that companies clearly communicate the organization鈥檚 鈥渕ost important things,鈥� making sure each employee has a shared understanding of what those things are and how they relate to each person鈥檚 role. It鈥檚 all about setting expectations, building an achievement-focused organization and checking for continued understanding along the way, he said. In a culture like this, meaningful conversations are happening all the time, rather than waiting until a problem occurs that needs to be addressed.
But what happens if we鈥檙e not there yet? What if we鈥檙e still building the culture and learning the skills needed to do so? This is where Dye shared some practical advice from his book Winning Well: A Manager鈥檚 Guide to Getting Results鈥擶ithout Losing Your Soul. His I.N.S.P.I.R.E. method of delivering tough feedback is something all of us can use鈥攁t work and in our personal lives鈥攖o help plan for those dreaded moments of tough conversations.
Before breaking down the method, Dye shared a quip that the audience agreed was easy to remember in the heat of the moment. When you realize you need to have a difficult conversation, 鈥渄on鈥檛 get mad, get sad.鈥� It can be an instinctive reaction to get mad when an employee does something wrong or damaging. But heading into that situation in anger won鈥檛 help you get to a positive outcome. Instead, reach for a different feeling, one that is rooted in empathy and caring.
The I.N.S.P.I.R.E. method follows these steps:
- Initiate鈥攃arve out space for the moment, and never blindside the other person with a spontaneous confrontation.
- Notice鈥攐nly talk about what you can observe about what the other person has done. You can鈥檛 observe a bad attitude or laziness, for example, but you can observe specific behaviors and facts.
- Support鈥攕hare very specific evidence of the behavior to support your stance rather than speaking in generalities.
- Probe鈥攄raw them into the conversation with questions, then be quiet and 鈥渓et the crickets chirp鈥� so they can answer without feeling defensive.
- Invite鈥攁sk them to come up with solutions to the problem.
- Review鈥攂efore leaving the conversation, check for understanding and reiterate the solution.
Building good communication skills is an ongoing effort for most of us, and the advice Dye shared with the Tri-State property managers from 乐竞体育赛事直播 is truly universal. His overarching message was that we don鈥檛 have to make a choice between results or relationships. If we 鈥渓ive in the 鈥榓nd鈥欌� we can be successful with both.
About the Author
Donna August is vice president of marketing and business development at 乐竞体育赛事直播 Headquarters in Chicago.